Zoro's Dance Carnival
by Killjou
Summary: Dancing was never Zoro's forte, so how is it he suddenly finds himself twirling upon a giant floating disco ball with his cheerful and utterly adorable captain? Oh, yeah. Because that bastard Jango hypnotized them all. Zolu


NOTE: If you are going to read this, first you must go and watch "Jango's dance Carnival," a One Piece short you'll find easily on Youtube. Well, hurry up!

Seen it yet?

When I watched it, I fell in LOVE. I mean, it was just so cute and happy, especially with Luffy's cheeful little jibe during the chorus. My heart practically melted at that. But it also caught me at how much more they could have done with it; I mean, we didn't even get to see Zoro cracking some sexy moves! Jango got action than Luffy! C'mon! What is this? Some many more awesome dance scenes and moments should have happened!

And that darn Marine should have been Smoker... hands up, how much of an EPIC win would that have been? Especially if he and Luffy were dancing next to each other... Oh darn, another plot bunny has latched itself onto my brain... crap...

**Title**: Zoro's Dance Carnival

**Summary**: Dancing was never Zoro's forte, so how is it he suddenly finds himself twirling upon a giant floating disco ball with his cheerful and utterly adorable captain? Oh, yeah. Because that bastard Jango hypnotized them all. But, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all. Set after Jango's Dance Carnival, Zolu.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own it, never will.

* * *

><p>Large chunks of what had once been Mirrorball island's giant dome dotted the shifting seas surrounding the island, most of the pieces dwarfing the still floating ships that had been docked around the Island city. A few unlucky vessels had not escaped the sudden metal avalanche when it collapsed, and their devastated corpses could also been seen in the surrounding waters, their sails and masts dropping lifelessly against the pounding waves. It was, in all aspects, a mess.<p>

Amongst it all, Zoro angrily shoved his hands against the oars of the Merry's small rowboat while grumbling to himself. He only considered it to their great (and often nonexistent luck) that the Going Merry had miraculously dodged all such death-by-bludgeon scenarios that could have easily happened.

While considering this on the Going Merry, Zoro had been thoroughly outvoted and thrown (more like shoved, courtesy of both the shitty cook and Nami) into the small boat in order to retrieve their still dancing and completely happy captain from the disco ball.

And what sucked the most was that Zoro ordinarily wouldn't have minded being saddled with such a task. He was the first mate, and after all his time spent with Luffy, downright babysitting the boy had become a comfortable and easy nature to him, as surprisingly pleasurable to him as training. Maybe that was just because he and Luffy had been more or less together since they had first set out on the high seas eons ago, just the two of them. Back when it was just the sea, the sky, the boat and them. And plenty of time.

But that wasn't the point. The point was this was a shitty job because that crappy love-cook had forced him to do it.

What a pain.

Zoro made the mistake of glancing upwards to confirm he was still heading for the huge floating disco ball, and the dazzling shine of the sun bouncing off the ball momentarily blinded him. He cast his eyes down, scowling, and continued to row.

By the time he looked up again, he rose an eyebrow when he discovered the ball was not where it was supposed to be. Zoro rolled his eyes, glancing around spotting the ball while cursing his lack of direction.

It took him a few minutes to finally reach the ridiculously huge disco ball, and spent a few more grumpily agonizing how he was going to stop the boat from drifting away while he grabbed his captain. He settled with forcefully shoving the boats rope into a weak spot in the ball, ignoring the ominous splintering crack that resulted from it.

Finally, he straightened, turning to greet his captain. Luffy didn't seem to have noticed him yet, which was understandable, because his usually bright eyes were closed as he bounced around the giant sphere, dancing to his own beat. Zoro watched for a moment, feeling a small smile creep onto his face. It was a small marvel that his captain had not slipped off yet into the water.

As soon as that thought occurred to him, Zoro's teeth gritted and he stepped forward, an undertone of dread lingering in the pit of his stomach. What if he had and Zoro hadn't been here? That would have been… the end of Zoro's world.

At that moment Luffy landed from a shockingly elegant jump and spotted Zoro. The serene look on his face immediately split into a gleeful grin; this was just one of his many special smiles that were reserved for the very centre of his universe that was Zoro (and Zoro knew every single one. This was the "_Oh-yay!-Zoro's-here-so-now-the-day-will-become-infinately-more-fun_!")

'Zoro! You're here!' He chirruped, not pausing in the extravagant waving of his arms to and fro, which increased in enthusiasm and speed upon the discovery of his favorite swordsman, because now that he was here to watch, he could impress him with his moves!

Zoro gave a lazy smile and stopped a few feet from the younger man. 'Hey… wasn't that loser Jango here with you just before?' He asked shortly, squinting around.

Luffy stepped to the side and back, continuing like that in quick succession as his arms slowly rose to his chest and down up again. His eyes had drifted close again in pure happiness as his feet took him on more dizzying swirls.

Zoro rose an eyebrow, still waiting for an answer. He ended up seating himself near the sloped edge, more than comfortable to watch his cute captain dance surprisingly (and pleasingly) beautifully for him. Besides, it was an added bonus that that damn cook and the rest of their crew would have to wait for them longer because of this.

Zoro was silent for a few moments as he felt himself grow drowsy under the warm sun, admiring the subtle curve of Luffy's small hips as they teasingly waved and circled around at his eye-level, and the tempting view of his arched neck. Zoro took his time studying Luffy, along with the gentle, fulfilled look that graced his face… the one that was normally absent in the place of his usual quirky grin. It was these moments Zoro truly treasured. This was the Luffy no one else knew… _his_ Luffy.

Luffy's lids lifted and his shining eyes locked with Zoro's at that moment, whose softened when they connected, and Luffy's smile suddenly threatened to easily outdo the sun.

It was obvious at that moment that the both of them were enjoying themselves.

Until Zoro finally decided to try again. 'Oi, where's Jango?'

'Huh? Who?'

Luffy hadn't put much thought into Zoro's enquiry, that much Zoro was sure of. He sighed, about to give up, but Luffy came through for him… as usual, sometimes. When the little pirate wanted too and actually tried, that was.

'Ohh! You mean the freaky Hypno guy! Yeah, he was real fun, but when he saw you guys, he figured you guys were the marines and took off.'

Zoro tilted his head. 'And how did he do that? I thought he got hypnotized as well?'

Luffy shrugged, which was barely discernable through his many vibrant dance moves as he lifted one foot to twirl it around with his hands clasping together above his head. This was followed by a back flip, in which Luffy landed proudly on his feet with a showcase grin.

Zoro laughed, standing as he continued to watch Luffy. He glanced over, and could now see the Merry a heck of a lot closer than she was before, moving cautiously through the maze of wreckage towards them, her oars out and rowing strong. Well, one was. The other was struggling visibly, jerking itself up and down as it tried to keep up with the strong, powerful gait of the other oar. Zoro held back a short laugh.

That was Usopp, then.

Looks like Nami had gotten impatient over how long he was taking, and had set them on course for a quick pickup so they could be on their way before a proper clean-up party of Marines could arrive. After all, no doubt both Jango's and their involvement in the incident would not escape the notice of the ever vigilant Navy, especially with the town's sudden catastrophe.

'Alright Luffy,' Zoro said, stepping closer. 'No more playtime…'

Luffy whined as he stomped back in a quick-step beat, but was unable to stop Zoro's heavy hand from falling onto his shoulder and attempting to pull him towards the rowboat. Well, Zoro stressed the word "attempting." Because as soon as he fingers came into contact with Luffy's bare shoulder, a strange sort of tingling jolted into his body and spread throughout it, touching every one of his nerves with shocking energy.

Zoro found himself frozen, completely unsure of what was happening to him.

Then, he started hearing it. The music. It was almost nonexistent at first, but then it grew louder and louder…

_Kotoba dake ja tsutawaranai tsutaekirenai...__  
>(I can't express myself in mere words, can't express my feelings)<em>

'Oh, shit…' he breathed out in certain horror as his body went completely rigid, then relaxed. His arms started slowly rising of their own accord and his leg span widened, bracing his body. Luffy, who had been circling his hips with his hands splayed in the air, turned his head to watch Zoro with a questioning look.

_Kokoro ga karada oi koshite__  
>(My heart is leaving my body behind)<em>

Zoro's body was jerked into action, and he was suddenly waving his body from side to side as his taut torso followed his feet in wide and alluring steps from one side to the other, his arms following.

Luffy's eyes practically had shooting stars spewing from them. 'Zorrrrrro!' He screeched happily as his body pulled up alongside Zoro's and started mimicking the green-haired swordsman, the cheerful and bounce-inducing music pumping around the both of them without mercy.

_Ima sugu kimi ni aitai yo!__  
><em>_(I want to be with you now!)_

The strain must have been evident on his face as Zoro's hands moved in an exuberant up and down pattern, his entire upper body jerking forwards and backwards in a flowing dance that seemed unique to Zoro's own bulky but streamlined body.

_Chotto datte matterannai  
>(I can't even wait for one moment)<em>

'Let yourself go, Zoro!' Luffy laughed, his clenched fists held far out at his sides as he shook his shoulders backwards and forwards, while Zoro shot him a mortified and somewhat betrayed puppy-eyed look.

_Mayona ka no hodou toiki wo koorasete  
>(The deep nights path will freeze your sighs away<em>)

As the song's beat sped up and Luffy skipped energetically in front of him, twirling his bodice to the upbeat tune in perfect harmony with Zoro's own with an adoring expression on his face, Zoro found himself not as opposed to the hypnosis as he would have thought.

_Ready to, steady go hashiridashita!  
>(Ready to, steady go! I'm launching!)<em>

As the bouncing chorus rang around them like a lustful drug, Luffy drew himself right up against Zoro in a quick and precise movement, their bodies almost touching as their hands rose in a perfect mirror of the other and met at the top. Luffy's grin grew wider, as did Zoro's smirk.

_Omoi was FULL SPEED de!  
>(My thoughts at full speed!)<em>

Just as their palms touched their entwined hands separated and encircled around each other, pulling their bodies flush against each other as their own heat and scents mingled, swirling around them like a heady, lovestruck haze. Zoro let it take him then, recognizing his own body's intentions.

_Tsyoko hayaku takanaru kodou  
>(My heart beats swifter and faster)<em>

Zoro found himself grinning, his eyes completely focused on Luffy's own. Zoro pushed his body suggestively against Luffy's smaller and slender frame, which fit perfectly into Zoro's extremely toned build. Luffy flushed under Zoro's needy smirk and the swordsman's travelling hands on his ass, feeling every muscle and sinew of Zoro rubbing against him as they were pulled into a dizzying swirl together by the music.

When they slowed, Luffy suddenly leapt backwards, shimmying his torso and grinning mischievously. Zoro drew his body forward, his hands tingling at the loss of contact, but Luffy only danced lightly back on his toes and out of reach, grinning.

_Setsu nasa aa tomaranai  
>(But my loneliness just won't end!)<em>

Zoro grinned back, narrowing his eyes. _Damn little tease_.

He started circling the bobbing Luffy with provocative hand movements framing the boy, but not touching. A few times he leant forward then jerked back as Luffy kept turning in the middle of the circle Zoro was following, trying to keep Zoro within his sights.

_Lovin' you lovin'me! kasoku tsuite!__  
>(Lovin you, Lovin me! Let's speed it up!)<em>

Zoro caught Luffy's hurt pout at this and grinned, leaping into the air over the Straw hat captain as Luffy finally seemed to catch up with his circling movements. He smartly landed on one hand. With the other, he quickly ran up Luffy's unprotected back and bottom, managing to score a nice caress before Luffy could jerk forwards with a cute little mixture of a scream and a giggle.

_CONTROL dekinaiyo!  
>(I just can't control myself!)<em>

By the time Luffy had whirled around again, Zoro had pushed off the ground and rolled to Luffy's front, pushing himself up with a show-off flex of his muscles.

_Umaretate kono no hitoshisa wo todoketai nagare hoshi!  
><em>_(I want to share my newborn love, oh shooting star!)_

Neither noticed the music had started to fade, word by word. Or that their bodies were no longer driven by the intense, mysterious power of the hypnosis anymore. All they knew was each other.

Zoro pulled himself up in front of Luffy, reaching out to grab the younger man's wrists above his head and plant a quick and flavored kiss on Luffy's mouth, before pulling back. Luffy pushed forward, less focused on dancing and now completely preoccupied with chasing something else, and Zoro was all too happy to comply. He grasped Luffy's waist, pulling the younger boy into a tight spin.

Tightening his hands, Zoro lifted the boy clean off the floor with amazing grace and swung him around in one swift and joyful move.

Luffy spread his arms out and threw his head back, laughing to the heavens and reaching for the sky in pure unbridled freedom.

Zoro continued for a few seconds, his gaze fixated on Luffy's carefree and utterly beautiful face before he slowed their combined twirl, lowering Luffy at the same time. But he didn't stop there. Even as Luffy's worn sandals hit the shiny floor, Zoro's arms continued down, taking the flushed and breathless Luffy down with them.

And there their shared and unexpected dance salsa came to an end, with Zoro bent over precociously, supporting Luffy like one would a partner in a ballroom, whose head was almost touching the ground. Their noses were touching, and Luffy's hat hesitantly fell from his head. Neither noticed.

Luffy giggled with pleasure as he felt Zoro's grip on his neck and back tighten. Their faces moved forward at the same time, meeting halfway, their lips touching softly at first, then pushing into each other earnestly and in need. They probed deeper against one another, the tingling sensations building within as they started to nudge heavily into the kiss, their noses nuzzling and tongues battering gently, feeling the sweet tempo of each other…

…And then something black and hard slammed into the back of Zoro's head.

His eyes shot open and he lost his balance, collapsing the short distance to the ground right on top of Luffy. As a result when their heads collided with the base of the disco ball Zoro's tongue was practically shoved down Luffy's throat. Not prepared for the sudden intrusion or blockage in his intake system, Luffy tried to jerk back, instinctively starting to try and hack Zoro out of his mouth.

'_Mmmfff-mah_!' Luffy squeaked, his face flushing.

Zoro bolted upright as fast as he could, eyes guilty as his captain coughed and wheezed beneath him. 'Luffy, are you alright?' He asked, jumping to his feet and pulling Luffy up by his waist and shoulder. Before Zoro did, Luffy quickly grabbed his hat and crammed it on.

'Hey, pervert marmio!' Sanji shouted smugly from the Going Merry's side rail, where he was perched no other than a few meters above Zoro and Luffy. 'Didn't anyone tell you the rules when you boarded this ship? Raping the captain is fobidden!'

There was a muffled shriek from the Going Merry, and Ussop's horrified face appeared next to Sanji with an angry '_Again?_' As soon as he saw that Zoro wasn't actually raping Luffy, he breathed a sigh of relief and lowered his specialized high blast water gun, now looking quite disappointed. The third time was a charm, after all.

Zoro scowled at the liar before he caught sight of the water gun, to which his face colored and he scowled harder. He was going to kill Usopp later and smash that damn thing to itty bitty pieces…

He felt Luffy wave enthusiastically next to him, which jerked him back to the real villain at hand; Sanji, the curly-browed bastard. 'Hi, Sanji!' Luffy called out cheerfully, a hand still lingering idly on his throat. 'Hi, Usopp! Ohhh! Are we having a water fight again? But you know Zoro hates them!'

'If anyone's the pervert, it's you, you curly-browed shithead of a cook!' Zoro roared back, ignoring Luffy. Sanji grinned a little too happily at Luffy (always happy to use the little captain as leverage against the mosshead) before sending a demeaning glare towards Zoro. In response Zoro kicked Sanji's shoe- which was the only thing close enough Sanji could think to grab in order to nail Zoro at the time- with as much force as he could muster into the sea.

Whatever Sanji was about to say was cut off as he gave an enraged shout, watching as one of his finest leather black shoes disappeared under the choppy waves with nothing more than a last sad gleam in the sunlight.

Luffy glanced to Zoro, to Sanji, and finally the disappearing shoe, before repeating this twice more. He started laughing his scrawny little ass off.

'Why, you-!' Sanji howled, fire practically sprouting from his eyes as his deadly glare zoned in on Zoro. 'That was fine leather, shithead! Something a disgusting tramp like yourself should do well to respect!'

Zoro found himself smirking. 'Then you shouldn't have left it anywhere near me. It stunk so much, I could smell it a mile away. No wonder Nami never gives you any. She can't stand your foul odor.' Usopp snorted and stuffed his hands on his mouth, shrinking and stuttering under the enraged gleam in Sanji's eyes when he turned it on the long-nosed pirate.

At this, Zoro crossed his arms, chuckling. 'How does it feel to have balls that never get used?' At this, Sanji's face snapped in Zoro's direction, fire spitting from his eyes and steam shooting out of his ears dangerously. Zoro continued, smirking. 'Cause I can assure you, I have no idea what that feels like.'

'Yosh!' Luffy squealed, jumping into Zoro's arms. 'Let's go use our balls!'

Ussop looked visibly sick, and raised the water gun with the intention to shoot, but was shoved aside as Sanji leapt off the boat, deadly waves of killer intent rolling off him in explosions. 'Fucking-Marmio!' he ground out as he turned in midair and braced his leg. 'Go down like the weak bastard you are!'

Zoro grinned in childish glee at getting a big one on the crap cook, and had enough time to press a rushed kiss to Luffy's forehead before he shoved his captain to the side and causally drew two of his swords.

Sanji landed with deadly accuracy right in the centre of the crossed flats of his two swords, and Zoro responded with an enormous shove back, sending the cook spiraling before he landed smartly. The ball below them was shoved deeper into the water, and huge widening cracks spread throughout it like a virus web, starting at the hole Zoro had caused with the rowboats tether.

No-one really noticed in the face of the two men's standoff.

The two dashed forward as Luffy and Usopp watched and began a furious exchange of kicks and flashing swords, almost too vicious to follow with a normal eye. Nami joined Usopp at the rail, sighing. 'They're at it again,' she stated. 'What happened this time?'

Above the constant insults and jibes of the supposedly mature men, Usopp raised his voice so Nami could hear him, even though he was right next to her. 'Zoro challenged Sanji's manhood cause he never gets any and Zoro always gets some,' he wisely supplied. Like he estimated, Nami understood perfectly. She nodded to herself, smirking slightly.

'Of course,' she said. 'Such men.'

'That felt weak,' Zoro grunted as he shoved upwards with his swords, sending the cook flipping backwards to balance himself and land effortlessly opposite the swordsman, only to dash forward again and slam a foot against Zoro's swords… again.

'Go, Sanji!' Luffy cried, jumping around on the ball in effort to get a prime view while keeping out of the path of the flashing swords and flying kicks. 'Yeah, Zoro! Kick his ass!'

Shaking as he held off one of Sanji's legs, Zoro flashed a quick charming grin Luffy's way. Sanji's nostrils flared.

'I'm the only one who is allowed to flirt while fighting! When you try you tarnish the manly reputation of a true gentleman like myself! You _bastard_!' he screamed in sullen anger, forcing his foot down. Zoro's swords were shoved down, and Sanji took that opportunity to drop to his hands and twirl his other leg with bone-shattering strength toward Zoro's open chest.

Zoro's eyes widened as Sanji's foot neared, and he hurriedly shoved both swords in their sheaths so he could flip to the side, land on his hands and push himself back up, ready to continue. He expected Sanji to kick the ground where he had once been with a curse and continue their fight.

What he hadn't counted on was Sanji's kick to completely demolish the disco ball. One moment time seemed to slow down, with him landing on his feet, Luffy dashing back to avoid Sanji's kick, and Sanji himself with his foot buried deep into the splintering ball, and still travelling strong downwards.

Then it shattered apart like a bomb and Sanji went right through the mess into the water. Zoro stumbled as the cracked piece he was standing on started to go under, and cast his gaze around wildly for Luffy. He spotted his helpless captain slipping straight through a huge crack that had started right at the point of Sanji's kick, his stretched arm reaching above the water before being dragged under.

Spitting out various curses at that shitty, shitty, shitty, crappy ass loser of a cook, Zoro jumped onto the next few pieces right to where Luffy went down, straightening his body as he dived in order to get as much depth as he could.

Thanks to his constant practice at rescuing his captain, Zoro made it a fair distance underwater before he had to start swimming. Spotting the familiar bright red vest, he angled downwards and drew quickly nearer with wide, strong strokes.

_Almost there… almost there… hang in there, Luffy!_

Luffy's eyes were still open, albeit weakly half-mast, but still open. And staring at him, his complete trust and hope in Zoro displayed through them. Zoro felt warmth spread throughout him, and pumped his arms harder.

Reaching out, he quickly grasped the chest of Luffy's vest and pulled the other boy's dead weight against his chest with one hand, whirling his body up and kicking as hard as he could with his legs. With hardly any time between Luffy and his entrance to the sea, this was one of his easier rescues. Other times, though, it hadn't been so easy.

They broke to the surface like so many other times before, and their strict protocol never changed. First, Zoro made sure to hold Luffy's head upright and tilted down just a little so Luffy could successfully hack up all the water he had unwillingly inhaled. He held Luffy with one arm around the boy's front, his lithe back pressed tightly against Zoro's strong chest while he did this.

Then, once he was sure Luffy was breathing normally, he pressed a quick kiss to Luffy's forehead while the devil fruit user giggled weakly, letting himself flop back into Zoro.

Now here, he would usually commence with asking Luffy if was okay and/or yell at the boy for being so completely careless and stupid before padding back to the boat in a slow backwards stroke with Luffy nestled comfortably on his front.

This time, however, as soon as he had finished raining light kisses on Luffy's turned smiling face, his expression contorted and his head whipped furiously towards Sanji.

'_**SHITTY COOK**_!'

It was snarled in Zoro's loudest and most terrifying roar, and the effect was instantaneous. Usopp was the first to hit the deck (literally) while Nami stumbled back, her hands on her ears. Luffy practically lost consciousness from the force of it at such a close range for a few minutes.

Sanji, who had been griping about his favorite suit that was now hopelessly ruined, had been waiting for the two to surface, just to make sure Luffy was okay. When they did and he saw Luffy was indeed fine, he had felt himself internally relax, and had started to head towards the rope ladder, his back to the couple behind him.

But when he heard that echoing roar, he felt a small shiver run up his spine. Even though he would never ever show it, he knew he was in real deep shit. When it came to Luffy, Zoro was nothing less than a mighty demon, completely unstoppable. But then, it was one of the few things that he and Zoro shared in understanding. After all, that was exactly what he was like when his dear Nami-swan was in danger.

In light of this, Sani froze, only slightly.

He turned, prepared to yell back at the shithead, but found that the said shithead was suddenly right there, behind him, with a limp Luffy tucked against one side and a raised sword in the other hand.

_How the hell-?_

And the sword was coming down towards him, far too fast.

Sanji barely had time for his eyes to widen before he felt the full impact of the weapon cracking against his skull with no mercy, and his doused cigarette fell out of his mouth in wordless shock.

And it didn't slice through him… but it fucking _caned_.

…It was then the love cook realized with no small amount of relief that the sword was still within its hard sheath. Zoro had simply ripped the sheath and sword from his waist in his anger and hurry to inflict as much pain as possible. Sanji couldn't decide whether that was a good or bad thing at this present moment. Zoro's insane arm strength and well-practiced swimming allowed him to continue with his merciless barrage of harsh whacking using the one sword he had grabbed with no problem, fueled by his overwhelming love and need to protect his captain. Oh, and his terrible and mighty hatred of the shitty cook.

'YOU FUCKING TOOL! LUFFY CAN'T SWIM, REMEMBER? HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT? **DUMBASS SHITTY COOK!'**

'Fuck- _Marmio_…ack! Stop, _you crazy son of a bitch_!'

Sanji floundered back in the water, refusing to use his hands and instead using his forearms and elbows to deflect any blows he could. When he tried to get close enough to kick, his poor head suffered from Zoro's driven power.

'…_Shitfuck_!' the cook cursed, realizing he was indeed in trouble.

'Zor…(_glug, gulp_) ..o!… (_hack_) …I- can't (_bubble_)-' Luffy managed to choke out from under Zoro's tight arm as, despite Zoro's support, he found his head being constantly dunked and sprayed with water.

Nami started laughing, while Usopp stared with his mouth open and newfound respect. He always knew Zoro was a complete monster, but this was just unbelievable! He had Sanji on the ropes… and no doubt he would ever let the cook forget it, either.

It was after a few minutes Nami let out a exasperated breath. 'This isn't getting us anywhere. Usopp, lower the sail. We're going. If those guys wanna come, they'd better be onboard when we take off.'

Knowing she was completely serious, Usopp leant over the side with a 'Zoro! Sanji! Nami says we're leaving! Now! Better get on before she comes in after you!' And also because he didn't want to unfurl the sails by himself. That was dangerous, and hard work.

At this, Zoro's movements finally slowed as Usopp's words reached him, or moreso, Luffy's pitiful puppy-like whining. That gave Sanji ample time to dive under and aim a well placed kick at Zoro's unprotected family jewels. Even though the water tremendously dulled his leg strength, he knew it would hurt.

Sanji surfaced in time to hear Zoro let out a very undignified and painful squawk, followed by pained groans.

Sanji grinned, feeling unbelievably smug. Fighting dirty like that was something the two honorable men _never_ reverted to, but this was a special case. First, Zoro had started it, with his stupid unstoppable anger and loyalty to Luffy, second: it was in the water, where Sanji's legs were not nearly as powerful, or mostly, useless. And third: it was Marmio.

It didn't matter that half the blame really did fall to him. The Marmio was stupid, and as such, all depressing and pitiful things in this world came from him. Like his recent humiliation at the hands of said disgusting and worthless Marmio.

Also, Sanji's manly image had suffered a serve beating, and right in front of Nami-! He was simply gaining it back. Zoro might have Luffy to impress, but Sanji had _Nami._

Much more delectable, curvy, beautiful …and almost impossible to impress. Sanji was almost (–**almost**!-) jealous of Zoro in this department; all Zoro had to do to gain his lover's undivided attention was a quick, snuffling kiss on the forehead or cheek and Luffy would be a giggling, playful, frisky and utterly love struck mess. Nami, on the other completely opposite hand, required much more attention to warrant just a nod in his direction. That damn pervert Marmio. Always getting more than him, and so easily! It was his that dumbass secret-pervert's fault for having such an easy partner!

As the Marmio himself slipped under the water, his one free hand trying to ease his pain without dropping his precious cargo, Sanji grabbed Luffy with ease before he could be dragged down with Zoro. Propping the wide-eyed pirate over his shoulder as Luffy vaguely questioned what had happened to Zoro, he swiftly swum to the Merry and quickly climbed aboard, dumping Luffy on the deck and leaning against the mast, awaiting the shithead's appearance.

He looked around with hearts in his eyes, calling 'Oh, Nami-dearest! My love, where have you flown off to in a wave of beauty and joy?' only to be rewarded with a grumpy Usopp telling him from halfway up the mast that Nami was in the cabin, much to annoyed to deal with them right now. Sanji had pouted, heartbroken, until Zoro's pained voice was heard advancing up the rope ladder.

'Fuck… fucking DICK… to kick me in the…_ kill_ him…'

Sanji smirked, and Luffy lifted his head from the ground, still weak and dripping wet, but curious. Usopp's head appeared from bird's nest that he had just arrived at, surprised, but curious as well. And a teensy bit scared at Zoro's murderous tone.

'HATE HIM… castrate … in his _sleep_…the _prick_.'

When the irate swordsman finally appeared, shaking and furious, he dragged himself over the side and collapsed on the deck next to where Luffy had sat up. Luffy grinned, pouncing on his swordsman with a grin, who groaned at the jolt and attempted to curl over his tender bits. He lifted his head with difficulty to solely glare sharpened daggers at Sanji.

'Fuck… you…' he sneered. 'Remember, I actually USE these things…'

That stung a bit more than Sanji would ever admit to himself, but Sanji just smirked, letting it go because of the pleasing pain he knew the swordsman was going through now, all guilt mostly temporarily erased due to the Marmio's crapy-ass truthful comment.

'Zoro!' Luffy quipped, poking Zoro in annoyance when he didn't sit up and pull him into his lap like he was supposed to. 'What took you so long?'

'That cowardly _bastard_…' Zoro spat out. 'Kicked me in the nuts…'

Luffy's mouth popped open, and he went rigid.

Sanji smirked as he turned and headed for the kitchen, reaching into his pocket and placing a cigarette in his mouth. He pulled out his lighter and lit it, still grinning, only to discover that because both his cigarette and lighter were wet, he wasn't getting a nice smoke anytime soon. He didn't let this ruin his image, though, and casually continued like he hadn't just tried to light a dripping smoke with an equally dripping lighter.

'Until next time, mosshead,' he grinned, cigarette stubbornly left dangling from between his teeth as he looked over his shoulder with a grin.

He was stopped when a vengeful fist smashed into the back of his head with powerful force. He went flying, and hit the wall, his shape indenting into it easily, before sliding off in a crumpled heap, his face painfully scraping down the wood. Damn, that thobbed.

It was completely silent for a few seconds before Sanji ripped himself up and whirled around, his face livid. He thought it had been Zoro, so when he was confronted with his captain standing there, arms crossed and face deceptively blank he stopped short. It occurred to Sanji then why, and he cursed to himself a thousand times over that he didn't realize it sooner. Of course there would be consequences…

Unexpectedly (or, really, as expected), Luffy grinned widely. A little too widely. 'No one touches Zoro's nuts but me,' he cheerfully chirruped, seemingly satisfied Sanji had got the message, from the rapidly swelling bruise on his usually handsome face. 'Okay?'

Sanji nodded, his composure relaxing and straightening out, ignoring his throbbing face. 'Sure, Captain. Sorry,' he offered truthfully, once again turning to head for the kitchen moreso out of his hurry to get out of Luffy's sight before the captain went into his extremely rare but fabled dominating hunter-protector mode (which he barely had too, since Zoro was so good at it, but there were times, like this…). He understood where Luffy was coming from with this, and felt the teensiest bit of shame from what he had done… after all, how would he like it if Nami's beautiful body was marred?

Sanji shuddered as he arrived in the kitchen. As he compared his mental reaction to that of Luffy's, he secretly lorded his Captain for being so forgiving.

After Sanji left, Luffy turned with a proud grin to Zoro, who grinned back.

But when it became apparent that Zoro wasn't moving in defeat and pain from the deck anytime soon, Luffy bounded over and jumped onto Zoro.

'C'mon, Zoro!' he said, already having forgotten the recent events of the day. 'Play with me!'

Zoro groaned, but this was thankfully because of Luffy. The pain was slowly starting to fade, and Zoro was hugely relieved to discover that it seemed there would be no permanent damage. And this discovery deserved celebration.

Pushing himself up, slowly at first, he gained speed and shoved Luffy to the deck, getting on with no further encouragement needed. Luffy blinked in surprise as he suddenly found himself downed with Zoro over him, but it suited him just fine, so he just squealed, leaning forward to place a quick kiss on Zoro's nose. Zoro smirked at the affectionate attention, feeling his heart swell in his chest and his lust levels start to rise up.

Luffy's grin grew wider as Zoro grabbed both of his wrists and straddled his waist almost harshly, his mouth speeding down to cover his own and push his domineering tongue in. In a rare moment, Luffy allowed Zoro full dominance. He figured poor Zoro needed the reassurance he was still the "man" of the ship after the day's occurrences, and he didn't want Zoro feeling down.

Zoro finally broke off, panting a bit as he smirked at Luffy's undeniably adorably flushed face below his.

'It still hurts. I think I need you give them a kiss…' he breathed with heavy suggestion, trailing hot kisses along Luffy's forehead down to his neck. 'Make me feel better…' He heard Luffy giggle, and smirked into Luffy's neck, drawing his teeth with purpose along Luffy's pleasurably scented skin.

There came the sudden and heavy sound of stomping boots coming to a stop right in front of them. The couple both stopped, and Zoro, expecting the cook, lifted his head with the direct intention of telling Sanji to go fuck himself in the bathroom because he was so lonely, but quickly bit back his tongue when he found Usopp standing there instead.

He then considered the effect his words might have had on Usopp, and chuckled silently to himself.

Luffy craned his neck and smiled widely at Usopp, not at all deterred. 'Hey, Usopp! Sorry, I can't play now, I'm busy!'

Usopp raised an eyebrow, but his surprisingly steady gaze didn't leave Zoro's face. His brows were furrowed over narrowed eyes, but they weren't meanly so. Just with determination, and conviction.

Zoro raised his own eyebrows, rapidly growing annoyed and feeling Luffy's hot and needy body below his own, just begging to be ravaged. '_What?_' he growled.

With no words Usopp's hand rose to reveal his water gun, and he leveled it at Zoro's face before firing without warning.

It was still five hours later that the ship's sniper was hiding below deck, nursing multiple newly acquired throbbing bruises. And mourning the splintered remains of his water gun.

* * *

><p>Hahahahahahaha, Usopp with a water gun. I can totally see it happening, every time Zoro threatens his widdle captain's "innocence." Usopp's just being a good friend, after all. Cookies for Usopp! And sex for Zoro. Who's with me?<p>

Hope you enjoyed!


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